Bad Feeling, Good Parenting and Redemption in a Van

So, I have a child sleeping in my car tonight. It's not for fun if that was your first thought. I used to sleep on the trampoline when I was a kid. That was fun. Sleeping in Mom's Mazda in the garage is not fun, as Zack is discovering tonight.

It started with my couch in the basement, an exacto knife and a 13" gash. I don't love the couch in my basement, but I was completely flabbergasted as to why a child would do that. Boredom? Creative tendencies? Anger?

He wasn't home when I found it and it's probably a good thing. I have been reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" lately and my former Momzilla voice wanted to ground him for an eternity, take away every privelege he owned and scream until I felt better.. possibly even punch a pillow, or maybe cut it with an exacto knife...

So when I say it was a good thing he wasn't home, I do so because it allowed my Moderate mom voice to take over. "What can he learn from his mistake?" She calmly said while wearing her starched apron, a line skirt, perfectly coiffed hair, pearls and heals.
"He can learn that he gets his butt whooped when he does that!" Momzilla yelled from her berk o- lounger and sweats.
"Or he can learn to sew, and by an alternative, uncomfortable sleeping arrangement tonight, he can learn to appreciate his home", Moderate Mom explained.

I got in the car, still fuming mad, and went to pick him up. Time heals all things and long drives do too. By the time I got to his friend's house to pick him up, I was actually excited to see him and happy that we were going to have an adventure in parenting together.
Zack wasn't as excited about it as I was; but I honestly think he was confused. He expected the yelling, grounding until you're 30 and loss of all privileges- which usually means things are slightly uncomfortable until Momzilla forgets that we're grounded.

When we got home, I sat him down and calmly said, you will be sewing that couch back up and then there is something else you're going to have to do to make it right. I've thought about it and I would be a bad parent if I didn't help you learn that you can't destroy your house. You're going to be sleeping in the car tonight to help you appreciate what a blessing our home and possessions are and that if we abuse them or neglect them, we end up without them.

He got upset but didn't scream. I asked him what he would do if he were a dad and his son kept ruining things. He said," probably the same thing, but it's going to be cold". And I said "then by morning you should have a better appreciation for how you need to behave in the house."

I showed him how to sew the couch up, asked him if he thought he had done a good job, thanked him when he felt like he was done and showed him to his bed in the car that I had made with a sleeping bag.

That's the part where the uncomfortable feeling set in. It's not terribly cold out tonight, but seeing his huge sad brown eyes killed me. I was SO close to saying,"Alright, if you promise not to do that again, I will let you come inside." That's the guilty side of Momzilla, the one who always gives in and doesn't get what consistency really is.

Moderate Mom took over at that point and said, "How is Zack ever going to learn from his mistakes if you let your guilt for past parenting mistakes get in the way and stop him from learning?"
Love and Logic said that if I am feeling uncomfortable, then it's probably the right thing. This is as uncomfortable as it gets. My garage is locked, he is safe. It's as warm in there as it is in my basement where my 13 year old sleeps.

It still doesn't make sense to me that if I am uncomfortable, then it's the right thing for my children, but I am going to go with it. If I were forced to spend a night outside of my house, I would probably more fully appreciate it in the morning as well.

Two weeks ago our cat Max, disappeared. It was completely out of the blue for him because he wouldn't ever go too far away from his food dish. Let's just say he's the poster child for diet cat food.

Well, Sunday night he didn't come back in. I thought maybe he was out entertaining the cat next door and that he would be home. Eight days later he was still gone when I got a phone call from a friend from church. He had taken my kids the Sunday prior and when he dropped them off at my house, Max jumped in his van. Well, the van isn't driven very much at his house and so Max was locked in his Van for 8 days without food and water.

Max wasn't a mean cat before this experience, but he was an anti- social, bourgeois, ass. He wanted to be petted when it was convenient for him, not for anyone else. My kids jumped when he meowed and it kind of annoyed me that he knew they would. I don't like controlling men. Not even if they're cats.

Well, the post eight days in a van Max is so much more humble. He is sweet, he likes to cuddle with the kids, and he is even a little more polite to me.

Maybe, sometimes, we all need to take a time out from life and our families to make us realize how much we need them and love them. It worked for Max, maybe one night in the car will not hurt Zack at all. Maybe it will help him see that I love him infinitely more than I am capable of expressing as a completely fallible mother and human being. Maybe it will help him see that I want nothing but happiness for him and that it starts with being kind to your family and ends with not shredding things with an exact-o knife when you're pissed.

I don't know. Right now, I just want to make some hot chocolate, pull down my sleeping bag and go sleep in the car with him. Maybe Momzilla needs some van- style redemption too.